Knowledge Speaks…Wisdom Listens

Posted on January 19, 2016 by darla05

 

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To say that God is holy is to say that He is set apart, distinct from us. Because of His set apart-ness, there is no way we can ever fathom all of who He is. To the Jews, saying something three times demonstrated its perfection, so to call God, “Holy, Holy, Holy” is to say that He is perfectly set apart, with nothing and no one to compare Him to. That is what it means to be, “holy.”

Read this paragraph from Francis Chan’s “Crazy Love” book this morning. I rose early and read and did my devotions and waited for the 21 days of prayer to start. As I listened to Pastor Aldger this morning, he reminded us that our job as Christians is to pray for our sphere. Our family, friends, workplace, etc. Our job is simply …to pray.

As I set here in the silence surrounded by all my dogs sleeping, I was silent. Silently listening. I had my pen in hand to start writing my prayers out and I was… silent. I could write nothing. I could write so much because we are facing some really BIG challenges. BIG ! I have kept telling myself all morning that perfect love cast out ALL fear. All I could manage to write is, Holy, Holy, Holy ~ 

In this silence I am looking out the window and the new sunrise is rising  and the music playing at 21 days is …

Holy, holy, holy! Lord God Almighty!
Early in the morning our song shall rise to Thee;
Holy, holy, holy, merciful and mighty!
God in three Persons, blessed Trinity!

I just turned and looked at the I-Pad as tears fell. I was in awe that of all the songs that could be played at this exact time and it was this one… Letting me know, he is with me. Talk about perfect timing.

So, the only thing I could end up writing is you are a good, good Father. And just like a good, good Father the next song that played was Chris Tomlin’s , “Good, Good Father.”

You’re a Good, Good Father
It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are
And I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am

Oh, and I’ve seen many searching for answers far and wide
But I know we’re all searching
For answers only you provide
Cause you know just what we need
Before we say a word~

 

Before we say a word…. You are perfect in all of your ways ~ If this is not a crazy love than I don’t know what is.

Thank you Lord for teaching me that wisdom listens.  Thank you for the confirmations this morning that only you could bring.  I will find you when I seek you with my whole heart ~ Thank you for this crazy love that you have given me.

Posted in Believe, Confidence, Courage, Daily Devotion, Determination, Discipline, Encouragment, Endurance, Faith, Jesus, love, Pray, prayer | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

The Most Powerful Weapon

Posted on January 13, 2016 by darla05

 

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During the 21 days of prayer this morning at Church of the Highlands, Pastor Brandon Isbell spoke of prayer and a pure heart. Our heart determines where we go in life. We need to pay attention to the condition of our heart.

Pastor Brandon spoke of David and his prayer of repentance in Psalms 51. So many of us know the verse, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” But , do you know the rest ?

11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
so that sinners will turn back to you.
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.

2015 was one of the hardest years  spiritually  for me.   Almost 50 years old and I am still learning, our walk with the Lord has peaks and valleys and all are for a purpose. There will be  times of great testing. The Lord was lead into the wilderness. It is in the wilderness that true faith and character is tested. Some of the revelations for me were brutal and ones of great sorrow BUT GOD never gave up on me. I am humbled and thankful.

Reading the words  in Chapter 51 of Psalms from King David speaks to my soul. Verse 13 says,  I will teach transgressors your ways SO THAT sinners will turn back to you.  God is in the business of restoring. Beauty from ashes. He makes broken things beautiful. He uses our mistakes, our sin, our past and he and he only can turn the missing pieces of the puzzle around for his glory and our good. Our storms, dark hours, failures can help someone else SO THAT they know they are not alone.  It is a lesson that someone else has been on that road before. Maybe, just maybe, we can help them from stumbling or making the same mistakes we made.  We can help them stay the course and finish strong. What a blessing that would be, an eternal blessing for sure.

What the Lord requires of us is told to us in the end of Psalms 51, My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, you, God, will not despise. David is at a place where he is broken BUT he still knows God’s promises. God will never turn away a heart of sorrow and remorse.  God has given us His very great and precious promises SO THAT through his promises, we may participate in His divine nature, his divine plan.

God has shown me that he will pour water on me when I am thirsty. He will bring floods on this dry spirit of 2015, HE will pour his spirit on my descendants and his blessings on my children according to Isaiah 44:3.

May we remember this  new year that the Lord’s presence will go with us and he will give us rest. May we remember that there is hope in the promise of the cross. Our hope is in you, Lord. May we continue to find your promises fresh and new . Lord, help us all apply them to our lives  daily and hold them close to our hearts. Create in us a NEW HEART LORD.

Lord , show us today  how to stand in your grace ~  For Matthew 5:8 assures us, Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.

Posted in Determination, Discipline, Encouragment, Faith, Hope, prayer | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

His PawPrints Are Forever In MY Heart…..

Posted on November 3, 2015 by darla05

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I am not sure that I have the words to explain what is in heart and mind. I ask my self are there words? Sometimes, it is just better to be silent.

My precious Freeway died yesterday. We were all with him and showered him with love and kisses like this lover boy deserved. My first morning without him is so somber. I have tossed and turned all night.  14 days ago, I took him to the Doctor because his back leg was swollen thinking we would get an antibiotic and go home. I was told he had 3 big  cancer masses and now he is gone. 2 months earlier his check up was amazing so how???? why???? I never saw this coming. Talk about deer in the headlight look. You would never know cancer had taken over his body by his attitude. He played until he was played out. He was running around and showering me with his love just hours before he died.

So how do I honor this boy?

From day one he was so thankful that I picked him up that cold pouring down rainy morning on the highway.  I joke and say, who rescued who? I know who rescued who, I needed him more than he needed me for sure. Every single day he made us smile. He charmed all that was around him.  So many people said they wanted him because I had others they would say.  But, no he was mine. He chose me ! I have been blessed with many animals, but I have to tell you this boy taught me more than I have ever known before. I have never been blessed with one that loved me as much as he did. He never left my side. He cried when I would ever walk out of his sight. You could hear him howling in the garage, outside, all he ever wanted was to be with me.  Devotion beyond all I ever dreamed or imagined.

All my life, I have loved animals. I always have had a heart for the strays . In elementary school I would bring them home walking home from school. One time there was a stray at school and the teacher asked whose dog it was, “IT WAS MINE” I told her. The Principal called my Mom and asked her to come get our dog. My Mom said we did not have a dog only for the Principal to tell her, “Darla Jean says it is hers”. Funny thing is, Mom came and picked up the dog.

I have been told all my life, I am crazy to love and spend all the time, labor and money that I do on my dogs and horses. I have always related better to animals than people. For the longest time I thought there was something wrong with me. I have always been the “Charlie in the box” instead of the “Jack in the box”. Well, I am ok with that now.

For the lessons I have from Freeway who was 12 and the ones in the last 30 years,  Dakota 16 1/2, Montana 13 1/2 and Prissy who dies at 18 are this…

They teach us unconditional love and devotion if we would only take notes and learn the lessons. They teach us to forgive often and quickly. Greet your loved ones every single time you see them with crazy love and lots of kisses, hell, jump up and down and wag your tail. Let them know that they are the best every single day. Play hard and often. They do not care how much you know until they know how much you care. They do not care what you wear, how you look, how much money you have, they care about your character and boy are they a good judge of character. They are the best friends you will ever have. They never break your confidence or tell your secrets. They are the best nurses, best sleeping partners and best fans.  They have wiped away many tears with them warm fur and they are devoted to the very end, to the very last minute. The hardest thing in the world is to say goodbye.

The Doctor said yesterday, “You are doing the right thing. ” “Really, why is the right thing so hard to do?  Since you are a Doctor, have you ever figured out how to heal a broken heart?” I was told I left him with his dignity in tack. He left me with so many lessons, I was loved like I have never known by an animal. The only thing he did not teach me is how to live without him.

So for Freeway, love a little more today. Hug your fur children a little tighter today. Play harder and let them roll in the bed with you. Complain a little less about the dog hair or walking them outside in the colder weather for one day they will be gone and there is going to be an empty spot beside you in bed ! Shower them with love and devotion like they deserve and listen…. really listen to the life  lessons that they are here to teach each one of us.

Mr. Freeway, my precious boy, thank you for teaching me that I needed someone to simply be there, not to say anything or fix anything, but to let me know you were always on my side and that you cared and loved me. You my buddy, you were a Master Teacher. IF only, I can learn to be the master student ! You are forever in my heart ! I will always love you and whisper your name.

My son sent me a poem yesterday afternoon, about dogs,  some of the lines were this….

I wish that I could make you see that Heaven indeed is real, IF you could see me run and play how much better you would feel. But, our loving God has promised that when the time is right, You will step out of the darkness and meet me in the light.

Until that day little buddy…… run and play, enjoy the sunshine and keep looking for me, for I will be looking for you.

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“We lose ourselves in the things we love. We find ourselves there too.”

Posted on October 27, 2015 by darla05

“We lose ourselves in the things we love. We find ourselves there too.” – Kristen Martz

Take Pride in how far you have come and have faith in how far you can go~~~~ AMEN and AMEN !!!dcc79bc5b11b1e2d0dbb6de76b721afe

Posted in Believe, Confidence, Courage, Daily Devotion, Determination, Discipline, Encouragment, Endurance, Faith, finding ourselves, Forgiveness, horses, love | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Because I Said So…

Posted on October 20, 2015 by darla05

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In these early morning hours my soul is restless. I grab my computer and try to write down the thoughts that are running in my head.

Do I trust you Lord?

Do I trust?

When I don’t know why the answers have not come. When I simply don’t know why?

When we were little, how many times did we hear our Mom or Dad say, “Because I told you so?”  How many times have I said it to Joshua and Ashley when they were little?  Irony comes  when I have sensed so many times lately  my Heavenly Father has said the same thing to me? Bam ~

 I have  resisted  a hard decision that I know he is challenging me to make. I have wanted to know why He wanted me to do it. I wanted him to show me when and how it would all work out before I took the next step.  I sense God saying, “Because I said so, trust me.”

I know and have been constantly reminded that faith means obeying Him even when all my questions aren’t answered. Selective hearing is not a good thing to have with our Lord. It is  a restless place to be for sure. I don’t know about you, but I need to work on obeying God not because I understand, but because He said so.”

I am reminded to… Do what you have been taught to do , Darla.  Do what I have instilled deep inside you. You are my child, NO MATTER WHAT ! No matter what you have done, no matter what you may feel. Feelings are unreliable but my word will never wither, it will never fade. My word will endure forever. 

GOD DOESN’T CHANGE, WE DO! We allow our situations to dictate who God is in our lives. When things are good, we praise Him. When things are not so good, we waver. He desires us to praise Him no matter the situation. His WORD… His LOVE…His POWER…His WISDOM…His FAITHFULNESS… NEVER CHANGES! He is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8)

 No matter where we are in our journey, below is a promise at whatever mile marker we are on. I don’t know about you, but for me, starting fresh today, TRUST & OBEY.  Simply because… the Bible tells me so !

YOU ARE MY WORK – The work I began in you, I am sure to finish. Be confident of this. I love broken vessels; I love picking up the pieces. I am the Potter, and you are My clay. My work in you began before you were born, surely I will finish it. Even now I am preparing you to fulfill it; nothing will be left undone. When you stumbled I was there to pick you up, it was only a small hindrance. When you cried, I dried your eyes, not one tear was wasted.

Posted in Christian, Confidence, Daily Devotion, Determination, Discipline, Encouragment, Faith | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

The Long Term Effects Of Our Words, Actions, Decisions ~

Posted on October 8, 2015 by darla05

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I have read an article this morning and it really hit home. It has made me think about our decisions and the impact it has on others.  As the song lyrics say in a Casting Crown song, Slow Fade reminds us …

People never crumble in a day. It is always a slow fade.

I ask all of us to think about our daily  decisions. It is so important for us to evaluate ourselves. Accountability is a great thing. As a sign says in my closet that I see everyday…. Keeping it real is a full time job. Surrounding yourself with good Godly friends will help you and challenge you to live an authentic life in Christ.

Please know that when people are struggling and the waves of life seem to be overtaking them, getting a text that says, Praying for you sometimes does not do much for that person.  Are we really praying? Is is just something we say to make ourselves look good or feel good? It really has gotten to the point that is is like, How are you? Let’s have lunch next week.  Words are cheap. Prayer is powerful. It is not something to just be said in vain. Making a difference also means  being there. It is serving, It is helping in times of need. It is being the hands and feet of Jesus that make a difference. Personal relationships with others can change a life forever.

As many know through my writing there has been a spiritual battle going on for months. God has been faithful through it all even when my faith has faltered and I  have really related to the Prodigal child story like never before. I have fallen flat face on the ground in my spiritual walk. This warrior is a child. The battle is the most fierce I have know in over a decade. Wounds are evident and a long spiritual recovery is in order. Keeping it real. Pretending all is well does no good for nobody as the southern saying goes. Letting others know that believers struggle with the same struggles everyone else does is being real. The difference is when we fall, when we sin, when we fail, WE HAVE A GOD Who has never fallen, never sinned and will never fail or falter. In our weakness he SHOWS UP~

As believers, we sometimes lose sight of why we started serving in the ministry or church in the first place. IN the last few months,  we have gotten the text that say praying for you when it was the 21 days of prayer at church. When I text back and say thanks for the prayers, etc.  but the 21 days of prayer seems foreign to me right now, I get a frown face back and never hear from them again. Or how about the text that sends the scripture ONLY of Hebrews 10:25 – Let us not neglect our church meetings, as some people do, but encourage and warn each other, especially now that the day of his coming back again is drawing near. No thinking about you, no encouraging words, this scripture was all that was sent to us. It felt more like a reprimand  from them. HELLO….. do we real think this is helping someone?  Or how about the email that says to my family, Missed y’all and y’all have not served at church in awhile. Don’t know what is going on with y’all but they need to know if they need to delete my families names off the roster for serving? Don, wrote back, JUST DELETE. Their response, Wow…. that was a short response and they will accommodate our wishes. WOW… is right.

How about pick up the phone as a leader/member in the church. You don’t know what is going on because you have never taken the time to check or call. MY husband and son have served faithfully for years almost every Sunday at church. Prison ministry every other Sunday which is time consuming but he loved seeing a difference being made in these prisoners that so many others have just forgotten.  Mission trips to Africa and Israel with the church. The response  is… do we need to delete you?

I feel like when you are a part of a mega church sometimes people can be just a number. Thank God that God does not look at us as another number, HE KNOWS US BY NAME ~

The good news, I am still learning and experiencing  that relationships,  our marriages and our friendships can be rebuilt through repentance, forgiveness and grace even if it is us or  the other party that  does not deserve it. This is the beauty of grace. He forgives  the unforgivable in us  so we can learn to extend the same grace to others.  Our lives may not be easy. Forget the may not, THEY ARE NOT in this day and time being a Christian. Remembering… BUT GOD !

YES,  BUT GOD….. Two words. Two powerful words. HE  will give you and me the  strength if we  choose to follow Him fully. He created us and knows what will ultimately bring us joy. Again, so thankful  he knows are name. He numbered the hairs on our head. He has a plan for each one of us to fulfill.  His ways and His timing are not ours. His ways are not what the world tells us will bring us happiness. Jesus came to set us free from this world and He bridged the gap so that we can have a personal connection with father God. He will help you in your choices, both big and small, if you let Him. There are so many times I have taken the reigns like this horse owner does naturally instead of giving full control over to him. It is amazing what a mess I can make when I do it my way instead of his. Can anyone else relate to that?

He can teach us to be the leaders that he wants us to be to make lasting impacts on others. We can choose to make the right decisions  at work. We can change our decision to divorce our spouse. We can choose to make people feel valuable or just a number.  We can choose!!! We get to make the choice but we do not get to choose the consequences.  With God ALL things are possible.  We can forgive! One of the best decisions is to decide to not take advice from those that live selfishly and give advice that contradicts with biblical teachings.

Today, is a new day. New dawn, clean slate. Take five minutes to think about those in your life and chose someone today that may need YOU. We all need a  good influence in our  life, BE THAT PERSON.  There is a horse saying from my favorite trainer, Pat Parelli, Horses don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. TRUST ME, it is the same for people.

Words are cheap, quick and easy. Take the time that it takes, our decisions today can be the difference maker of  eternity for someone else. It is your move.  Will we follow the lead of our Sovereign God ? What will you decide today that can make a difference?  One decision to  truly be someone else’s difference maker !!!!

Posted in Daily Devotion, Discipline, Encouragment, Faith, Forgiveness, Grace | 1 Comment

Where Faith and Reality Meet ~

Posted on October 1, 2015 by darla05

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I received a phone call from my mother yesterday as I was working in the barn early before the day officially began with the long to do list ! She began to tell me how my precious Aunt had called her asking about me and where  have my inspirational post  been lately because she missed reading them.  Where have my post been ??? Their Pastor calling my Mom to the front of the church and said let’s pray for your daughter. I don’t know what is going on but the Lord has laid her on my heart. She is under spiritual attack and let’s pray for the enemy to flee in the name of Jesus. Oh, how I love my Southern roots.  The Southern faith I grew up on. The Southern Heritage I cherish.  I have thought of this over and over. Where have I been? Where have my post been?

I guess somewhere in the last three months of what I call life, I have lost clarity and focus because of the hits that have happened. There are days that all you could do is laugh. Simply because it is all you could do. My beautiful daughter has shaken her head many of days. She has said…. SERIOUSLY, what is this? She has named me the modern day Job. HA. Seriously, I don’t deserve to be in the same sentence. Job’s faith, Job’s resistance, Job’s tenacity, Lord, can I have a tenth of the faith he had in you?

Someone told me a while back,  the Lord is allowing me to be shaken to the core SO THAT I rely on him alone SO THAT I will never be shaken again. Profound for sure !

I don’t know. I have questioned everything and everybody ~ But, one thing I am finding is the truth. The truth about myself, the truth about others. As I reflect here on this cloudy, foggy morning on the horse farm, I hear the sound of nature. Roosters in the background, birds singing and the sweet sound of doves, the cool Fall breeze in the morning. It is God’s handywork for us to enjoy, if we will ! IF we will take a minute to realize he made ALL of this for us to enjoy.

To live as a child of God is is to know this very morning that I am loved by my maker. It is not because I tried to please him and succeeded or failed him and need to apologize one more time. It is not because of anything I have done but because of who he is ! Nothing more…. Nothing less. All my efforts to win his love is not necessary. ALL MY FEARS of losing his love and affection are needless. Can I make him want me more? NO !!! I can no more make him love me more anymore than I can convince him to abandon me. His love is irreversible. It has a full life time warranty ! When he made us his beloved child, it was forever. We have a place at his table. We have a card with our name on it. We have a father that stands looking and waiting for his child when they have wandered off and what does he do when he sees us? He runs…… He runs toward us and wraps his arms around us and shows us unconditional love.

To live as a child of God is to know this, really know this. I am still learning this. It is a process. As I am reminded by my own words and my previous writings. God loves the process, we love the destination. It is in the process where the refining takes place. It is in the process where the impurities rise to the top. All of this has to happen to our character to become what we are suppose to be in him.  The good, the bad and yes… the ugly. It is there. It is in us all. These character building days are so painful but necessary. NECESSARY !

It is all because of who you are Father.  Lord, you catch me when I am falling. You pick me up when I have landed face first on the ground, who am I???? I am yours ~

Posted in Faith | 3 Comments

Clarity… by the ocean ~

Posted on September 5, 2015 by darla05

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A  beautiful friend sent this to me  while I am here at the beach. How her timing is  perfect ! I am trying to find my foundation again, my balance. I am praying for the first time in months. I am writing for the first time in a long time.  I feel like the prodigal daughter. The child who has wandered off course. I am praying for wisdom and divine discernment and revelation that I find the balance so I can come back strong. So that I can get back up from this fall on this track .

My world has come crashing down. Giving myself away a  little bit  more every day until there is nothing left.  If I am throwing it all on the table and being brutally honest, don’t know how to be anything else,  don’t we want it all, we want it now, we want life to be fair, don’t we all? We lose ourselves under the faces that we LEARN to wear. We take the hits and we will still  say we are fine, even when we are not. We smile when we are crying inside. We all want to be loved and accepted.

We are so busy trying  to find wonderland and working to have it all that we forget what we have  here in our hands. I have been  physically, mentally and spiritually in a desert land. The last year of my life has been tough but the last two months have been unbearable. Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my Grandmother dying. How I loved her ! Wish I could hear her voice once more.  A year ago my heart attack scare and health issues came to the surface. The health thing is something I took for granted before this year.

Foundations have been shaken. Faith has been shattered and I cannot seem to get up off the ground. I have made mistakes. I have faltered and failed miserably. The warrior that led others and prayed for others could not pray for herself the last few months.

When I stepped up to be on the prayer team and small group leader in January, I was told several things, one that there would be a target with your back on it in Hell. The enemy will come after you because you are making a difference. I was so naive that I said, Bring it.  I knew my faith was strong. I knew the Lord and his voice well. I said, Hit me with your best shot like Pat Benatar sang about when I was growing up. Little did I know how real those words were and the testing that would happen. Every thing that was my security has been tested to a degree that I have never known. Because of it and some other hits,  I have not gone to church in months.

This is my first time ever solo at the beach in 49 years.  I left  for restoration and rest. It has been liberating and intimidating. Thinking  about  who I am and what I am here for and the purpose of it all. Relationships, family, goals and dreams.  I am reflecting on a friendship that I have lost or rather I thought I had. Clarity happens here for me.

When you realize you would go through an ocean for someone and they will not walk thru a puddle for you makes you realize the tears you cried were wasted.  Clarity !  Watch what people do and not what they say is a great lesson that I still have to learn from time to time even at 49 years old.  I have been  made to feel  less than or not good enough. As I have pondered on this here,  I realize that no one can make you feel this way unless you give them the power to do so. It is a choice. Reminding myself to not allow someones negativity or hurtful words make me question myself.  I have told myself today what I have heard for years,  do not allow someone else rob your joy. I also realize it is what I have done for months.  Giving others the power over my attitude. Letting the contractor that stole our deposit money and damage the new horse farm that we bought is truly a crook but I allowed him to steal my joy. I am contacting the right authorities to make sure he does not do this to someone else but I have to trust that the Lord will take care of this situation. Letting peoples actions and words that I do not understand, rob my joy.

I have watched the waves go back and forth and I realize today that this is a glimpse of the power of forgiveness of our God. He washes away our (my) imperfections, our (my) sin, our (my) ugliness and cleanses us (ME) and redeems us (me) and wants to make us (Me)  whole again if we (I) will allow him to do it. It is amazing to watch how smooth the water washes the shore every 30 seconds or so. Wave after wave. Waves of grace, waves of healing, it is medicine for my soul from the Great Physician who told this ocean how far it could go.

The last few months and even this week,  I have been known to lose my temper, my patience and my pride, but I have never lost the need to pray. I just pushed the need aside.   As the song from Point of Grace says, Lord, I don’t need some truth revealed to me or some sacred thing to hold, all I really need is just a little more faith to believe what I already know.

I am seeing some things clearly during this solo time , during this valley, during the uncertainties of life, the way I must keep  the candle flickering is to believe what I already know. The way we come out the other side stronger and wiser than before we walked into that storm, BELIEVE what we already know. the flickering will soon burn strong again with the help of the maker of the winds. I have to humble myself before the living God.

Today is the first time that I have spoke to my faithful God in months. I have been so angry even questioned  him. I am  questioning so many things. As I cried before the Lord today I am thanking him for his faithfulness EVEN when I have not been. Our God is faithful. So thankful for his grace and mercy. Once again, I am reminded his mercies are NEW every morning.

Friends will let you down. People you love and trust can go astray .  I have let myself down, Lord, how can you still use me? Some how I sense the whisper of him saying, Watch me Darla. Come close to me again and you will see.

His grace is sufficient.  What reassurance. Just like the sound of the soothing waves that I am hearing. Last night when  the sun had set here on the beach and darkness was all around , the sound of the ocean  assured me that his grace is out there, so soothing, so cleansing and now is the  time to step back  into the water and let him wash away the cares of the world.

This warrior has fallen down. This warrior is heartbroken by all the hits from this brutal world,  I have to hold on to the promise, in my weakness… HE SHOWS UP! I do not know what my future holds. I read today, when you do not know what the future holds and so much is uncertain, look to the one that NEVER changes. Just the reassurance that I need.  I am making list. List are therapy for me.  I am getting my strength back. I am truly learning that the best kind of people are the ones that come into your life and make you see the sun where you once saw clouds. The people that believe in you so much that you start to believe in yourself again too. The people that love you for being you, NOT what you can provide for them and it is not always  about them, TRULY once in a lifetime people. Some people, I have cared so much for through the years but they are officially out of my life. It is something I have to do for me to grow. I truly wish them the best. But, bye-bye is liberating.

Looking over the ocean this morning, The thoughts in my head goes something like this….If he can hold this ocean before me back with one little shore on this vast coastland,  it is assurance, HE HOLDS EVERYTHING ! So glad I am still in his reach !

~~~

Posted in Daily Devotion, Determination, Discipline, Forgivness, Grace | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

When It Is The Prayer Warrior That Is Wounded….

Posted on July 12, 2015 by darla05

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For those that know me and for those 800+ plus people that follow me on what I write on Countless Wonders/Google,  I would like to ask for your prayers.

I am the one that cheers others on. I have always been told I am the best cheerleader and  counselor for others. So many pour out their concerns to me and I try my best to help.  Well, this cheerleader is cheered out and this prayer warriors armor is on the ground. In this valley that I find myself in, I have read some of my own things that I have written and I stare at it like who is this?

I have been told recently from a woman who I respect tremendously that, “The Lord is allowing me to be shaken to the core so that I will rely on him alone so that I will never be shaken again. He is preparing me for what is ahead. There is something great ahead.” Well, I feel like I am faltering and failing.

This past year is one of the darkest paths I have ever  walked in over a decade. I will not list them all for I know that each one of us carry our own struggles. I have to tell you though, the ones that have hurt me the most are the ones that are always talking about Jesus and God bless you. Using the Lord for their benefit all the while hurting others. I love the Lord but fear him more. There will be a day of reckoning for us all for what we have done here on earth.

So what do you do when the betrayal is from people that claim to be believers?

In June, we bought our own horse farm that was such a dream come true. The house is not as big or nice as the one I am living in now but my beloved horses will be home and it has the potential to be awesome one day.

We hired a contractor. I should have done more research on him. But, he was so nice. Talked to me about the Lord. Told me about his sick baby that has had three heart surgeries before being a year old. In tears, telling me how this job would be such a blessing to his family and baby financial and on and on. I had other bids and I did  little research on him after  meeting him and seeing  Facebook and saw the picture of the sick precious baby. All true. Also, People on a local trading sight recommended him.

Contract signed. Promises made. Started work June 16th and he got a good chunk of money upfront from us for a deposit. Well, it is almost a month later and my house is in worse shape then the day I bought it. I have video, documentation, 300 pictures, bills galore to fix what they messed up. Brought it an ex con that is a violent criminal, another con on my property that was wanted in three counties to my understanding. Broken marble tile and stairs. Walls with holes in them, double billings, the list goes one. We have him on record stating he knows this money is not in this house and over half is still in the bank and he is going to make it right. The work he is saying he has completed is not even done and it is on a letter from them showing completed.  How easy to dispute with pictures and witnesses.  Of course, he is blaming his workers but he is  still promising through tears in his eyes that he is going to make it right. We fired him this week. The damage continues and so does the documentation. Now, trusted  licensed contractors that I know well  are in the house showing me all what they have really done and how dangerous things could have been. All documented and will be shown in court.

The Shelby County Sheriff’s Department  has been out to our property and taken a report. They are now patrolling our home because of all that is going on and have record of this violent criminal that was on our property. The dispatcher spoke to us again this morning.

They have are money ! We have the damage and are in complete disbelief, heartbroken and dismayed that someone could do this. It is going to cost a fortune to fix. I have so much documentation that shows all of it and now we have to spend more money to hire an attorney to take him to court. I have been told you will throw good money to chase bad, but how else do you stop someone from doing this to another? We cannot do all we are planning to do to the house now because they have our money.

He is slandering  now telling his subs he cannot pay them because we have not paid him. Two subs came to our present home and we gave them cancelled checks and this contractors own letter to us showing where he shows us his allocation that he has paid them. I have on documentation  of what others have signed testifying to slanderous remarks he is making about my husband and me. Anyone that knows us would know how untrue these remarks are and how easy it is going to be to dispute but it is going to cost a lot of money legally.

I told his wife , Knowing you had a sick baby, You just don’t know. If I knew you really needed the money, I would have written you a check. I would have given you the shirt off of my back, Don too, it is the kind of people we are. BUT, to lie, cheat, manipulate us out of money, it is on ~ I will make sure you do not do this to another person. We do not serve the same God and to top it off, her parents are suppose to be in the ministry. Got to love the God card.

I have been told by several people if contractors or people who you are thinking about doing business with start talking about the Lord, walk away, RUN. You should be able to tell what kind of people they are without the t-shirts and the bracelets that they wear. It has made me second guess my faith. I have several bracelets that are reminders to myself of what God has done for me. A reminder of his faithfulness. I am to the point when I look at them, do I even wear them?

I say all this to say, please pray for us because I simply cannot.  You really find out who your friends are when you are down. You really find out who cares. I have seldom asked for help from anyone, EVER. I am asking for prayer.

This past week has been unbelievable. Sorting through all of our own trials in this house,  trying to work so hard since I stepped back into real estate and try to get the real estate business going again. Working so hard for people. Listening to people venting, screaming, cussing , threating and  getting hung up on because of what someone else did in the real estate world.  I have been told that I am crazy to do all I do for others. One said, you have lost your mind bending over backwards for others the way you do.  Well, she is right, I really think I have. What is the point of it all?

My husband is looking so frail. He has lost so much weight through all this stress. We are lashing out and have literally both cried so many days. His job is a really stressful job and add this and it is wearing him down.   Two weeks ago I thought I was having a heart attack again. After all the  EKG test again, poke and prodded,  severe allergies are the reason I cannot breath and the trusted inhaler is now by my side.  My barn help left unexpectedly so I am wearing another hat. I am trying to take care of so many and so much and just for the record, I guess this post is just therapy.

Maybe, it also, it to let everyone know that sometimes it is just not about you. Even Superman or Wonder Woman needs a rest from time to time. Know before you rant and rave and are rude to others that they may be having a much bigger battle going on in their life than you do.  Quit making excuses for why you act the way you do or leave people in a bind. Kindness and Courtesy and plenty of notice goes a long way to help others. The saying goes, if you put your problems in a pile with everyone else’s, you would be dragging your own back out.

There is a old song lyric that fits this moment….

But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I’m amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don’t see inside of me
I’m hiding all the tears

They don’t know that I go running home when I fall down
They don’t know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
‘Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Please say a prayer that the Lord sends us some strength , wisdom and help ! Most everyone does not even know what is going on because we simply keep to ourselves. Now, I am writing this publicly. Why, I am not sure. Maybe it will resonate with someone. Maybe, it will remind someone to stop being rude to others because you have a bad day. Trust but verify everything. If someone plays the Jesus card, think twice. People should know who we are and be asking us what is the difference. My faith is shaken but not dissolved. We are on the ground and wounded but with the strength of the Lord almighty we will rise again. Please pray for I cannot at the moment.

Posted in Faith | 4 Comments

Always Being Late …..

Posted on July 1, 2015 by darla05

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My daughter Ashley says this is “Unapologetically Mom”- Ha  So, if you have an appointment to be at in five minutes, you don’t have time to read this. My 3 am rant.  Just saying!

So here goes… How did it get to be “ACCEPTABLE” for so many people to be late for everything? Because as far as I am concerned, it’s not ACCEPTABLE.

A meeting is set to start at 9 am, for some people that means in the general vicinity of any time which starts with the numeral ‘9’. Like 9:30 for example.
People drift in at 9:30 or even later. They smile warmly at the waiting group, totally unconcerned that others have been there since five to nine, prepared and ready to start.

PLEASE do not use the excuse we lead “busy lives”. We ALL do, and it’s a cop out to use that as an excuse. It’s simply that some people no longer even pretend that they think your time is as important as theirs. Technology makes it worse. It seems texting or emailing that you are late somehow means you are no longer late. “I’m sorry”, does that help me any that I am having to rearrange ALL my appointments because you are late. It makes me late, it is like a row of dominoes.

I understand things happen sometimes. PLAN. When you know 280 traffic is bad, LEAVE EARLIER. My time is so booked lately that I literally have to write down everything in my daytime, (YES, I am old school and still like an old fashioned calendar) Getting up earlier because I have to take care of the horses again, Watching over/supervising  farm renovations, getting houses ready to put on the market, learning a new system, getting ready to move, dog scheduled for surgery, two horses lame, paying bills, taking care of pets, cleaning and the laundry that never ends.  Got to find time to go to the grocery store. Check on dear friends who are having health problems. All the while, driving down Highway 150 last week and thinking I am having another heart attack scare. I couldn’t breath. I was thinking, I simply do not have time for this. Drive to the Doctor and anyone that knows me knows I do NOT go to Doctors if at all possible, EKG and chest X rays again and poked and prodded and two hours later, I am diagnosed with severe allergies and given an inhaler. I am simply not getting enough air. Also, the Doctor addressed anxiety. Need to control anxiety and stress. HUM….

I think if people were more considerate there would be A LOT less anxiety and stress, JUST SAYING ! All the while being constantly reminded of my bracelet that says, ” Pray First”.

Also, while I am at it. It would be nice if people need to change their appointments, not come into work, cancel on a showing that they give as much notice as possible. Other people are depending on you. They have scheduled lives also. They are happy to adjust their schedule if you can kindly give them the appropriate time to do so !

Waiting and Waiting on people has become the norm. I am not sure why some people are ALWAYS late. It would be a miracle from God if they were ever on time. It goes back to the golden rule. Treat others the way you want to be treated!

My Mother and Father taught us growing up that being late is RUDE and SELFISH. My Mom said that when people do this constantly they think THEIR time is more important than yours. Thanks Mom, once again you were right !

I will never forget a story growing up. My Mom worked at an ELITE salon in Memphis when I was growing up. Very high end and some famous people went there. There was a certain woman who was always late for her appointment with my Mom. My Mom finally said, ” IF you are late again, I will not be available for you again. It is NOT fair to everyone of my other customers to wait because you put us ALL behind schedule and they were on time.” Next time, same thing, she was late. Mom said she does not have an  opening. The lady was fuming. She went to the owner of the salon and he said, “Sorry, be on time.”
This lesson stuck with me from an early age.

There was a dentist that kept someone waiting 50 minutes past their appointment. She has done it for years and years. But enough! The patient walked out, past a literally open-mouthed receptionist who had never seen a patient act on their frustration, only to get a frantic call from the dentist herself as she got into her car.

Sure, she was “busy”, another patient took longer than she expected, blah blah. WAIT…. we are busy too! They told her, “I have been coming to you for 15 years but don’t take me for granted. See fewer patients in a day if you have to, but see me on time or close to it.” She has never been kept waiting again.

I am not talking about the odd occasion of lateness. I am talking about people who are routinely late. In fact, never on time.

People today have mistaken being nice as weakness.  Seems like being a Christian today means you can walk all over us because we are to represent Christ and be on our best behavior at all times. So sorry, not on my watch !!! I love the Lord with all my heart. Sold out for him. The character of the God I know is kind, he is a gentleman and he is not rude and he is considerate.  If we are called to be Christ followers, we need to set the bar high. Under promise and over deliver not the other way around. It is time to show respect to others !!!

Ecclesiastes 5:4-5

When you vow a vow to God, do not delay paying it, for he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow. It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay.

Psalm 89:34

I will not violate my covenant or alter the word that went forth from my lips.

Matthew 5:37

Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’….

Your word should mean something…… Accountability….. it is a good thing. R-e-s-p-e-c-t- ……. Hearing Aretha Franklin in my head ~

Posted in Daily Devotion, Discipline, Faith | 1 Comment