I am not sure that I have the words to explain what is in heart and mind. I ask my self are there words? Sometimes, it is just better to be silent.
My precious Freeway died yesterday. We were all with him and showered him with love and kisses like this lover boy deserved. My first morning without him is so somber. I have tossed and turned all night. 14 days ago, I took him to the Doctor because his back leg was swollen thinking we would get an antibiotic and go home. I was told he had 3 big cancer masses and now he is gone. 2 months earlier his check up was amazing so how???? why???? I never saw this coming. Talk about deer in the headlight look. You would never know cancer had taken over his body by his attitude. He played until he was played out. He was running around and showering me with his love just hours before he died.
So how do I honor this boy?
From day one he was so thankful that I picked him up that cold pouring down rainy morning on the highway. I joke and say, who rescued who? I know who rescued who, I needed him more than he needed me for sure. Every single day he made us smile. He charmed all that was around him. So many people said they wanted him because I had others they would say. But, no he was mine. He chose me ! I have been blessed with many animals, but I have to tell you this boy taught me more than I have ever known before. I have never been blessed with one that loved me as much as he did. He never left my side. He cried when I would ever walk out of his sight. You could hear him howling in the garage, outside, all he ever wanted was to be with me. Devotion beyond all I ever dreamed or imagined.
All my life, I have loved animals. I always have had a heart for the strays . In elementary school I would bring them home walking home from school. One time there was a stray at school and the teacher asked whose dog it was, “IT WAS MINE” I told her. The Principal called my Mom and asked her to come get our dog. My Mom said we did not have a dog only for the Principal to tell her, “Darla Jean says it is hers”. Funny thing is, Mom came and picked up the dog.
I have been told all my life, I am crazy to love and spend all the time, labor and money that I do on my dogs and horses. I have always related better to animals than people. For the longest time I thought there was something wrong with me. I have always been the “Charlie in the box” instead of the “Jack in the box”. Well, I am ok with that now.
For the lessons I have from Freeway who was 12 and the ones in the last 30 years, Dakota 16 1/2, Montana 13 1/2 and Prissy who dies at 18 are this…
They teach us unconditional love and devotion if we would only take notes and learn the lessons. They teach us to forgive often and quickly. Greet your loved ones every single time you see them with crazy love and lots of kisses, hell, jump up and down and wag your tail. Let them know that they are the best every single day. Play hard and often. They do not care how much you know until they know how much you care. They do not care what you wear, how you look, how much money you have, they care about your character and boy are they a good judge of character. They are the best friends you will ever have. They never break your confidence or tell your secrets. They are the best nurses, best sleeping partners and best fans. They have wiped away many tears with them warm fur and they are devoted to the very end, to the very last minute. The hardest thing in the world is to say goodbye.
The Doctor said yesterday, “You are doing the right thing. ” “Really, why is the right thing so hard to do? Since you are a Doctor, have you ever figured out how to heal a broken heart?” I was told I left him with his dignity in tack. He left me with so many lessons, I was loved like I have never known by an animal. The only thing he did not teach me is how to live without him.
So for Freeway, love a little more today. Hug your fur children a little tighter today. Play harder and let them roll in the bed with you. Complain a little less about the dog hair or walking them outside in the colder weather for one day they will be gone and there is going to be an empty spot beside you in bed ! Shower them with love and devotion like they deserve and listen…. really listen to the life lessons that they are here to teach each one of us.
Mr. Freeway, my precious boy, thank you for teaching me that I needed someone to simply be there, not to say anything or fix anything, but to let me know you were always on my side and that you cared and loved me. You my buddy, you were a Master Teacher. IF only, I can learn to be the master student ! You are forever in my heart ! I will always love you and whisper your name.
My son sent me a poem yesterday afternoon, about dogs, some of the lines were this….
I wish that I could make you see that Heaven indeed is real, IF you could see me run and play how much better you would feel. But, our loving God has promised that when the time is right, You will step out of the darkness and meet me in the light.
Until that day little buddy…… run and play, enjoy the sunshine and keep looking for me, for I will be looking for you.