I received a phone call from my mother yesterday as I was working in the barn early before the day officially began with the long to do list ! She began to tell me how my precious Aunt had called her asking about me and where have my inspirational post been lately because she missed reading them. Where have my post been ??? Their Pastor calling my Mom to the front of the church and said let’s pray for your daughter. I don’t know what is going on but the Lord has laid her on my heart. She is under spiritual attack and let’s pray for the enemy to flee in the name of Jesus. Oh, how I love my Southern roots. The Southern faith I grew up on. The Southern Heritage I cherish. I have thought of this over and over. Where have I been? Where have my post been?
I guess somewhere in the last three months of what I call life, I have lost clarity and focus because of the hits that have happened. There are days that all you could do is laugh. Simply because it is all you could do. My beautiful daughter has shaken her head many of days. She has said…. SERIOUSLY, what is this? She has named me the modern day Job. HA. Seriously, I don’t deserve to be in the same sentence. Job’s faith, Job’s resistance, Job’s tenacity, Lord, can I have a tenth of the faith he had in you?
Someone told me a while back, the Lord is allowing me to be shaken to the core SO THAT I rely on him alone SO THAT I will never be shaken again. Profound for sure !
I don’t know. I have questioned everything and everybody ~ But, one thing I am finding is the truth. The truth about myself, the truth about others. As I reflect here on this cloudy, foggy morning on the horse farm, I hear the sound of nature. Roosters in the background, birds singing and the sweet sound of doves, the cool Fall breeze in the morning. It is God’s handywork for us to enjoy, if we will ! IF we will take a minute to realize he made ALL of this for us to enjoy.
To live as a child of God is is to know this very morning that I am loved by my maker. It is not because I tried to please him and succeeded or failed him and need to apologize one more time. It is not because of anything I have done but because of who he is ! Nothing more…. Nothing less. All my efforts to win his love is not necessary. ALL MY FEARS of losing his love and affection are needless. Can I make him want me more? NO !!! I can no more make him love me more anymore than I can convince him to abandon me. His love is irreversible. It has a full life time warranty ! When he made us his beloved child, it was forever. We have a place at his table. We have a card with our name on it. We have a father that stands looking and waiting for his child when they have wandered off and what does he do when he sees us? He runs…… He runs toward us and wraps his arms around us and shows us unconditional love.
To live as a child of God is to know this, really know this. I am still learning this. It is a process. As I am reminded by my own words and my previous writings. God loves the process, we love the destination. It is in the process where the refining takes place. It is in the process where the impurities rise to the top. All of this has to happen to our character to become what we are suppose to be in him. The good, the bad and yes… the ugly. It is there. It is in us all. These character building days are so painful but necessary. NECESSARY !
It is all because of who you are Father. Lord, you catch me when I am falling. You pick me up when I have landed face first on the ground, who am I???? I am yours ~