For those that know me and for those 800+ plus people that follow me on what I write on Countless Wonders/Google,  I would like to ask for your prayers.

I am the one that cheers others on. I have always been told I am the best cheerleader and  counselor for others. So many pour out their concerns to me and I try my best to help.  Well, this cheerleader is cheered out and this prayer warriors armor is on the ground. In this valley that I find myself in, I have read some of my own things that I have written and I stare at it like who is this?

I have been told recently from a woman who I respect tremendously that, “The Lord is allowing me to be shaken to the core so that I will rely on him alone so that I will never be shaken again. He is preparing me for what is ahead. There is something great ahead.” Well, I feel like I am faltering and failing.

This past year is one of the darkest paths I have ever  walked in over a decade. I will not list them all for I know that each one of us carry our own struggles. I have to tell you though, the ones that have hurt me the most are the ones that are always talking about Jesus and God bless you. Using the Lord for their benefit all the while hurting others. I love the Lord but fear him more. There will be a day of reckoning for us all for what we have done here on earth.

So what do you do when the betrayal is from people that claim to be believers?

In June, we bought our own horse farm that was such a dream come true. The house is not as big or nice as the one I am living in now but my beloved horses will be home and it has the potential to be awesome one day.

We hired a contractor. I should have done more research on him. But, he was so nice. Talked to me about the Lord. Told me about his sick baby that has had three heart surgeries before being a year old. In tears, telling me how this job would be such a blessing to his family and baby financial and on and on. I had other bids and I did  little research on him after  meeting him and seeing  Facebook and saw the picture of the sick precious baby. All true. Also, People on a local trading sight recommended him.

Contract signed. Promises made. Started work June 16th and he got a good chunk of money upfront from us for a deposit. Well, it is almost a month later and my house is in worse shape then the day I bought it. I have video, documentation, 300 pictures, bills galore to fix what they messed up. Brought it an ex con that is a violent criminal, another con on my property that was wanted in three counties to my understanding. Broken marble tile and stairs. Walls with holes in them, double billings, the list goes one. We have him on record stating he knows this money is not in this house and over half is still in the bank and he is going to make it right. The work he is saying he has completed is not even done and it is on a letter from them showing completed.  How easy to dispute with pictures and witnesses.  Of course, he is blaming his workers but he is  still promising through tears in his eyes that he is going to make it right. We fired him this week. The damage continues and so does the documentation. Now, trusted  licensed contractors that I know well  are in the house showing me all what they have really done and how dangerous things could have been. All documented and will be shown in court.

The Shelby County Sheriff’s Department  has been out to our property and taken a report. They are now patrolling our home because of all that is going on and have record of this violent criminal that was on our property. The dispatcher spoke to us again this morning.

They have are money ! We have the damage and are in complete disbelief, heartbroken and dismayed that someone could do this. It is going to cost a fortune to fix. I have so much documentation that shows all of it and now we have to spend more money to hire an attorney to take him to court. I have been told you will throw good money to chase bad, but how else do you stop someone from doing this to another? We cannot do all we are planning to do to the house now because they have our money.

He is slandering  now telling his subs he cannot pay them because we have not paid him. Two subs came to our present home and we gave them cancelled checks and this contractors own letter to us showing where he shows us his allocation that he has paid them. I have on documentation  of what others have signed testifying to slanderous remarks he is making about my husband and me. Anyone that knows us would know how untrue these remarks are and how easy it is going to be to dispute but it is going to cost a lot of money legally.

I told his wife , Knowing you had a sick baby, You just don’t know. If I knew you really needed the money, I would have written you a check. I would have given you the shirt off of my back, Don too, it is the kind of people we are. BUT, to lie, cheat, manipulate us out of money, it is on ~ I will make sure you do not do this to another person. We do not serve the same God and to top it off, her parents are suppose to be in the ministry. Got to love the God card.

I have been told by several people if contractors or people who you are thinking about doing business with start talking about the Lord, walk away, RUN. You should be able to tell what kind of people they are without the t-shirts and the bracelets that they wear. It has made me second guess my faith. I have several bracelets that are reminders to myself of what God has done for me. A reminder of his faithfulness. I am to the point when I look at them, do I even wear them?

I say all this to say, please pray for us because I simply cannot.  You really find out who your friends are when you are down. You really find out who cares. I have seldom asked for help from anyone, EVER. I am asking for prayer.

This past week has been unbelievable. Sorting through all of our own trials in this house,  trying to work so hard since I stepped back into real estate and try to get the real estate business going again. Working so hard for people. Listening to people venting, screaming, cussing , threating and  getting hung up on because of what someone else did in the real estate world.  I have been told that I am crazy to do all I do for others. One said, you have lost your mind bending over backwards for others the way you do.  Well, she is right, I really think I have. What is the point of it all?

My husband is looking so frail. He has lost so much weight through all this stress. We are lashing out and have literally both cried so many days. His job is a really stressful job and add this and it is wearing him down.   Two weeks ago I thought I was having a heart attack again. After all the  EKG test again, poke and prodded,  severe allergies are the reason I cannot breath and the trusted inhaler is now by my side.  My barn help left unexpectedly so I am wearing another hat. I am trying to take care of so many and so much and just for the record, I guess this post is just therapy.

Maybe, it also, it to let everyone know that sometimes it is just not about you. Even Superman or Wonder Woman needs a rest from time to time. Know before you rant and rave and are rude to others that they may be having a much bigger battle going on in their life than you do.  Quit making excuses for why you act the way you do or leave people in a bind. Kindness and Courtesy and plenty of notice goes a long way to help others. The saying goes, if you put your problems in a pile with everyone else’s, you would be dragging your own back out.

There is a old song lyric that fits this moment….

But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I’m amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don’t see inside of me
I’m hiding all the tears

They don’t know that I go running home when I fall down
They don’t know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
‘Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Please say a prayer that the Lord sends us some strength , wisdom and help ! Most everyone does not even know what is going on because we simply keep to ourselves. Now, I am writing this publicly. Why, I am not sure. Maybe it will resonate with someone. Maybe, it will remind someone to stop being rude to others because you have a bad day. Trust but verify everything. If someone plays the Jesus card, think twice. People should know who we are and be asking us what is the difference. My faith is shaken but not dissolved. We are on the ground and wounded but with the strength of the Lord almighty we will rise again. Please pray for I cannot at the moment.