Everyone seems to have New Years resolutions. A word for 2019. I haven’t really thought much about it until this past week.
I took a break from FB post for a week, besides posting an item or two on the business page. I have missed seeing updates from some friends especially from home, but, the time I spend on FB can definitely be more useful elsewhere so I need to keep limiting it.
There have been some dark days in 2018. I have lost more loved ones this year than ever before. My best friend for 23 years, who knew more about me than anyone, so many regrets, things that I never got to say before he died. Loss of relationships that I held dear. Add the hospital stays, Doctor’s visits, sickness like I have never known. Lots of things change in your life when you come to a place where you don’t know if you are going to make it. Reality check…. what really matters, who really matters and who really cares about me. Tough times show you many things.
I have a secret folder. Things that I keep to myself that I share with no-one. Reminders on days when I need a reminder that choices lead, feelings follow. When I have felt like I have taken a step back in my faith or on the days that I face planted. The times I have to step away from the room, the crowd, to take a deep breath, for I really do hate crowds. The times I have more questions than answers, the times when people I loved have broken my heart. I can go to this folder. It is a place of refuge and I can close the laptop, with a mindset a little more clear. It is personal writings saved, It is blogs from others saved. It is scriptures, motivational quotes, notes to myself, a mix of this and that really.
I had a friend recently remind me that I need to enjoy my time as Mary more than a Martha. She said she told me this back in May, when I was slaving getting ready for an event at the farm, she said I told her, “THAT WAS GOOD,” when she said it to me. Then I continued going 90 to nothing. After 7 months of sickness, she said it to me again. This time, it stopped me in my tracks. ”Darla, you are enough…. Remember to be Martha for only so long, enjoy your family as Mary. ”
I needed to let those words sink in. She reminded me of something I saved. I am sharing it here for I know many others need to hear this too.
YOU ARE ENOUGH , YOU ALWAYS HAVE BEEN
You need to hear this. You need to read this and you need to keep this at heart.
You are enough. You are good enough. You are worthy.
You are good enough to achieve your goals. You are good enough to pursue your dreams.
You are good enough to reach whatever your heart desires.
You are good enough.
You are good enough not because you tried enough, worked hard enough or pursued enough.
You are enough just as you are. You are enough just as you were made to be.
You don’t have to prove yourself or ask for anyone’s approval.
You don’t have to try to be someone else.
Because being you is more than enough.
Remember that being enough doesn’t mean that you have to be perfect. That you have to be more or do more.
You are enough because you stay true to who you are.
You are enough because you continue to learn, to grow and you continue to be the best version of you.
You are enough because you’re you.
You are worth it.
You are worth the pain. The effort. You are worth so much more than what you think.
And it’s not because you did something, or even proved something.
You are worth it because of what you share with the world. Every part of you, flaws and messy parts included, that is what makes you worth it.
So, stop beating yourself up. Stop the blame. The hate. Stop criticizing yourself.
Stop trying to be someone else.
You don’t have to do all those things.
Know in your heart that you are enough just as you are.
You are enough because of your dreams, your passion, your soul.
You are enough because of your ability to love, to forgive, to make someone else smile, and the joy you share with the world.
You are enough simply because you’re you!
Now, why am I telling you all these things?
Because I too grew up feeling that I wasn’t enough.
I was constantly compared. It started with a few “why can’t you be more like” conversations.
Then those turned into “you have zero talent”, “you’re too ___ to achieve this”
I grew up thinking that I will never be enough.
I grew up constantly competing with other people – trying to prove myself.
Constantly trying to be more and do more. Setting inhuman standards.
Exhausting myself physically and mentally.
I longed for the approval of others.
I was constantly chasing one goal after another. Constantly trying to be the best in everything, just so I could feel that I was worthy.
I may have received the approval that I longed for from the people that I loved but the things I did to get there broke me.
It took so much of me.
I was unhappy. Unhappy with myself and unhappy with the world. I was a mess.
I grew up with the pain and I took their words with me.
I let their words rule my life.
I criticized myself for every mistake, even the smallest one. I’ve pushed myself beyond my limitations.
I kept striving to be someone else, living a life that I didn’t want.
I lived a life to please others. Terrified to show the world who I really was – thinking that the real me was not good enough.
I beat myself up for every failure and I constantly reminded myself that I was not good enough and I will never be.
All because I let the words of other people define who I was and what I can be.
Now, I don’t want this to happen to you or to anyone else.
So, to anyone reading this, feeling the exact same way that I felt, I’m telling you now
You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. You don’t need their approval to know your worth.
You are enough, you are still enough and you will always be enough.
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Do what you love. Pursue your dreams, your passion. Live the life that you want.
You don’t have to strive to be more worthy, to be accepted – because you already are!
You are capable of achieving anything that you set your mind and heart onto.
Focus on your journey, accept and love yourself for who you are and keep reminding yourself
That you are loved, you are amazing
You are worth it and You are more than enough!
My word this year , is really three words, Bracelet is being made, YOU ARE ENOUGH !
What a reminder and a wonderful opportunity when I wear it to remind others of this reality ! Greater is he that is in me, than he that is in the world. If I was the only one Christ would have still walked that road. Passion drove him, love drove him, with every stripe on his back, with every drop of blood he shed, with every time the hammer thrusted those rusty nails through his flesh to hang on a cross, Christ was saying, YOU ARE ENOUGH. I laid my life down for you. May I live for him in 2019 like never before.