Have you ever asked yourself after having a run of life changing things happen to you, “What else can happen?” As you can see from the picture above there are changes happening immediately in our home. My son is leaving reminders along the way.
I secretly went into the Doctor yesterday morning after having chest pains really bad the night before. I did not tell anyone that I was going. Well, after endless questions and exams and blood test , x- rays and an EKG, I felt like my life just got turned upside down. Hearing the words, “We are not saying you have had a heart attack but we are not saying that you have not, but, your EKG is so abnormal and your cholesterol numbers are 281. We have made you an appointment with a Cardiologist. You will be seeing him in less than an hour.” I was saying, ” Wait…. What?” I am thinking in slow motion. I started thinking I might need to call my husband at this point.
I call Don and he rushed to the Doctor’s office. Sitting in this huge waiting room filled with people, I noticed and said , “I am the youngest patient in the room.” Don said , “No, there is someone younger over there behind the desk .” He worked there. Don and his dry sense of humor.
More test and another EKG was done. After waiting for some time the Doctor walks in the room. Nice, friendly man, with his reading glasses half way on his nose. He asks so many questions. He said, ” We are the experts and I trust our EKG that was just done and it looks much better than the first one.” He ruled out a heart attack but said, “This is serious.”
He agreed with what the other Doctor had told me, with the numbers I have, I could have a heart attack or stroke any moment. I kept being told, “This is serious.” I told him in a nervous laughter that, “I kinda got that after this morning and seeing you, a Cardiologist.” He ask if I have been under a lot of stress. Which I answer, “Yes, can you give me a September do over?” When he ask me to list them and I list the first five, he sits down and takes his glasses off and says,”WOW, that is a lot of major events and deaths of loved ones is a hard one to deal with.” I said it has been a tough ride lately. He said the only thing that is going to get these numbers to drop as fast as they need to is meds. You have a family history of heart disease and it is in your genes. Drastic changes are needed such as meds, changes in diet and eliminating stress. As he was writing out his prescriptions, I asked him if he could write out a script for eliminating stress in which we both laughed. I left there after a full day with Doctors with the instruction to be back tomorrow to do a Nuclear Stress Test.
So, no caffeine for 24 hours. No food or nothing to drink after midnight. This morning, I get my little outpatient band after endless paperwork, which I was not even reading, just signing after awhile and the testing and WAITING begins. A small amount of radioactive liquid (called a tracer) is injected into my bloodstream through an IV.
I go to another room where there is equipment that it is similar to a MRI . Huge special cameras are above me. The tech has my one arm with the IV strapped to my body where I cannot move. The other one is over my head. They slide you into this semi open space and take pictures of your heart once the tracer moves through your arteries. I was required to have 2 sets of pictures taken by the camera at 2 different times staying in this horrible position for about 12 minutes each time. These pictures give doctors detailed information about blood flow into your heart. They might see that some areas of your heart are blocked and not getting all the oxygen it needs.
Then , lets not forget the treadmill part of the test. They start you off slow. Have your IV hooked up again and continue injections at different intervals. They continue to raise the elevations and the speed. I was good up until the last minute and started to get light headed. Next, it is time for the trusted oh familiar camera room again. This time I lay face down for about 5 minutes of pictures.
I was talking to the Lord as I was laying in the strapped position letting him know that this was not fun at all. Not cool. This entire month Lord has been crazy. Lord, I am suppose to be at the Ladies Recreate Conference at church that I bought the ticket for months ago, not here. I know I am not suppose to question and I am suppose to trust in you always but this is starting to get really tough. I know the story of the Footprints in the Sand but Lord? Lord? Please forgive me for the doubts that are entering into my mind.
After a little sleep this afternoon, I sit here and wonder, how does life get turned on a dime? How do you eliminate stress? When people are in your life, they bring stress. I saw a shirt that said, “Dogs bring me joy….humans not so much.” Let me add horses with that and it sums up how I feel.
I have not gotten the results from the latest test and probably will not for several days. All I keep thinking is… I have to get a game plan. How do I fix this? I am a “fixer.” One thing my immediate family and my parents have told me today is, I have to eliminate stress and that will mean some people in my life. “You do so much for people when they need or want your time but when you need help from these same people, they are no where to be found. Only, if it is convenient for them. ” This keeps ringing in my ears. Lord, show me how to extend love to the ones that are sometimes unloveable. Show me how to have healthy boundaries.
I think I am going to fall off the grid for awhile. No more social media for a while. I think I need a season where there is a lot of rest. Some time by the ocean. More quality time with the Lord and time to seek out the changes that I need to make and a game plan.
It is time I truly seek the will of God like never before. Whatever it takes to know what are you calling us to do Lord? Where? He promises us he will give us wisdom if we earnestly seek for it like precious jewels. I know it is time to take this journey with Him a step further. It is a season of growth and an in-depth study of the character of my God that I so desperately want more of with each passing day.
I know that there is a reason for everything even if I don’t know the reasons right now. I know and have seen God’s hand give courage and strength that was needed this month as with many times before. His grace has amazed me. I know God is my shelter. I truly need some alone time in the shelter of my God Almighty ~ Time with the one that holds my life in His hands. Time in the secret hiding place with the only one that holds time in His hands.
I keep hearing the lyrics of an old song from college days by Harvest ring in my head. Voices. Where are all the voices in my field? Where are the millions that love me? Where are the millions who say they know me? Where are the millions who will stand and follow me? Here we are Lord. Show us the path. Lead the way ~