Having FAITH doesn’t mean you have no doubts or fears. It means you trust God and do what’s right in spite of your fears~
September has been a month shadowed by darkness. Saying goodbye to one I loved so dearly, my precious Grandmother. My beloved horse getting a serious injury. Attending the funeral of my children’s Grandfather. My Dad back in the hospital for more heart test only to hear there is blockage again. These are just to name a few. The traveling has gotten old. The nights of not sleeping have caught up with me, watching how people act in hard times can cause you to have little faith in humanity. I have been so physically sick from all of it. Can you say S_T_R_E_S_S_ ! We all have it. We all deal with it. This month is my month to deal.
I don’t have it all figured out. I am trying to sort out all the pieces like a big jigsaw puzzle. But, I would like to share something that simply made me stand in amazement of God’s grace and mercy.
My previous life with my former husband was anything but a cakewalk. We were young. We were selfish. We had so much growing up to do. When we divorced, it was truly one of the worst divorces on record. People think theirs was bad until they know ours and then they will gladly stick with the hand that they were dealt. Custody battles. Emptying of savings accounts that was saved for years to fight this never ending battle. It was the most broken I have ever been in my life. I was devastated. I truly thought my life was over. My pain was agonizing. It was the worst of times.
I knew the Lord had changed my heart in this matter two years ago. I knew so much healing had taken place. But, there was more healing that still needed to take place. The lesson that the Lord has been teaching me all came into play for this past week.
My ex husbands father died last week. He was a great man of character. A war hero who won several medals including the Medal of Valor and The Purple Heart to name just two. My two children loved their Grandfather so very much. I traveled with my son to go to the funeral in Kentucky.
During the drive, so many memories came flashing back in my mind. Fear was so close to me that my hands were trembling and I had to truly face my fear. I was walking right back into my past. My son grabbed my hand and said, “Mom, it is going to be ok, I am not going to let anything happen you you.” What a blessing this man before my eyes has been to me. How blessed am I to be called his Mother. There our moments I thought I would …. bolt, because it would have been easier on me. But, it was not about me. It was being there for my children. Supporting them. Loving them and standing beside them through a difficult time.The saying I say a lot because of being a horse lover/owner came into play, ” Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway.”
God and God alone took me to my past but one thing was new, I knew He was there. I felt His presence. He gave me His strength that I needed . He allowed me to walk into what I thought could be Hell again and He made it beautiful. He gave me new memories to replace the old.
My heart broke when I saw my ex husband. He was grieving. He was hurting. To see his family again was a time of healing in spite of a tragic circumstance. He was thanking me for coming. He hugged me and we sat down together. He told me he wanted me to sit with the family during the funeral because I am family. So many precious words were said to me that I will cherish for the rest of my life. We all shared several meals together. Shared some memories of the past with family but this time we were laughing. Walking beside the Father of my children to his Father’s gravesite was surreal. Arm in arm and talking to him through this and trying to encourage him was somehow beautiful. Only God can do this. Only God can heal like this. Only God ~ I was so proud to be the Mother of my beautiful son and daughter. They displayed such character . They showed so much strength because they placed their pain aside to support their Father and their precious Grandmother who we call “Queen.”
God gave me such beautiful closure on one of the worst periods of my life. He truly makes all things new. He truly walks thru the fire with you and in the fire and never lets go of your hand. He truly whispers, I have you. I am your rock and fortress. Believe in me. Have more faith in me. I will never fail you.
I am here to tell you that it does not matter what you have gone through in the past, God is asking you to allow Him to heal you. The word “past” means completed, ended and time has already elapsed. Yes, you may still be hurting from the happenings of the past, but the Lord wants you to give those memories to Him. He is the only one who can really touch and heal you in a miraculous way.
Now that all these things are in the past, He says your “past troubles will be forgotten and hidden from my eyes”. Isaiah 65:16b. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind, as He will take care of them.
Our God will uphold you with His righteous right hand and help you to cope with the past hurts. He wants you to “forget the former things and do not dwell on the past”. Isaiah 43:18.
I know now, I understand now that God was using this raw material for working out my present and my future. My past was a training ground for my promotion in Him. He is using my past to touch other lives and turn it to a message to bless others. But He cannot do this unless I allow Him to heal me completely first~
My past husband and I took different paths.I truly wish nothing but happiness for my ex husband. I want him to find a companion that he can enjoy his life with and someone to love him. He has not found that with the woman he chose after me. But, God can make all things new. The lens in which I view him in has been restored. God has truly taken the pain and hurt away. Our God is the ultimate Physician.
The path I chose, led me to a beautiful soul that I have been with for 19 years. My husband is a man of character. A man who loves the Lord. A man who has known success and has stayed humble. He loves my two children and has done more for them than you could ever imagine. He would lay down his life for them. He has been a wonderful blessing and I am so thankful for his love.
It has taken me years to deal with hurts from the past. Years of carrying baggage around that I was not meant to carry. I am so thankful that the Lord never gave up on me. I am so thankful that my husband has been a wonderful support system and has showed such loyalty to me.
Please know, once you are healed and cleansed by our Almighty God, then you can focus on serving Him and using your past experience to bless others. Our God is able; let go and let Him help you. He truly takes the junk of the past and turns it around. Beauty from ashes. Driving back form Kentucky, I was in tears of His presence. His glorious presence. HE is faithful and I was truly standing amazed at the grace He showed me.
There is a beautiful fall picture that I have seen of a pumpkin a while ago. It told the story that our lives are like a pumpkin. God reaches in and removes all the junk from our lives. After He has emptied us of all the things that He did not want for us, he places a light inside each one of us. His light. A light that will shine for him. Lord, let our light shine for you ~ ALWAYS ~
I encourage you to allow our loving God to heal you and be set free from the excess baggage you are carrying with you. It is not worth carrying all this pain; you need to be set free. If you let Him, you can get your deliverance today and go on to be what He has called you to be. God is waiting on you! HE has been there all the time ~ He has made us His masterpiece – Believe it ~
I can tell that when you wrote this, it was coming from someone who was amazed at the ability God does have to remove our pain!! I read that when you walked into that situation it was pure faith and trust that got you to and through the fear. I can imagine your shaking body waiting for the darts to fly..but they didn’t and you were in total surprise. I bet today you have a whole new meaning of the word TRUST!! Thank you Jesus. Being afraid and shaking in fear, stuck in one place is a scary place to be. But you serve a big God Who walks where you walk, good or bad, He has your back. His Words, ” I will never leave you nor forsake you Darla” and He didn’t. Now you have a testimony to back up your faith!! Nothing like that is it? Happy your past has no more control and that you have given it to God the Father to take off your hands..you are now a free woman!! What a blessing.